What to look for in a coach – lessons from a 6-year-old
Yesterday didn’t start well. I had overslept. It was an admin day. I had stuff to do and I was already behind when I woke up. Coaching was the last thing on my mind – to be honest, I am not even very good at speaking when I first wake up. So I sat on the bed, grumpy. Then shook my head, put on my trainers and took Buster for a walk on the beach. I would be more capable of facing the week and the day after that. Hopefully.
As we walked along the beach I started to cheer up. The beach makes me happy.
There was a group of three people on the grass next to the beach promenade. A small boy of around 6, his mother and his gran. The kid looked angry and frustrated and distressed, the adults looked on in frustration and helpless. They were obviously trying to teach him how to ride his bike. And failing.
I shouted out cheerfully to hold the saddle behind him. The mother and the gran both turned and walked towards me, hands out and obviously distressed and desperate, “Please come and show us!”
Coach Botting swirled his cape. Rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. I remember when I first learned to ride a bike – it’s a totemic moment in a boy’s life – a major step towards liberty. Buster was put in the care of Gran. I asked Tommy “Do you want to get away from these women and have a go in some peace and quiet?”. (Feminists – please don’t shout at me here – this was important Man to Man talk and I was under time pressure and it was early morning and I wasn’t feeling great etc etc etc…!). Anyway, Tommy smiled and nodded and we were off…
Tommy and I went up and down the tarmac several times (easier than the grass – they thought the grass would be softer to fall on but it’s a rubbish surface to learn on). Tommy kept smiling and wobbling while CoachBotting trotted and sweated and swore to get fitter. We discussed tactics and I left him, still smiling, with the adults, showed them what to do and walked on with Buster.
When I came back from BreakfastBeach they were still there. Cue unhappy music. They were trying hard to do what I told them to do, both talking to Tommy at the same time. Tommy’s face was no longer happy. I asked Tommy if they were driving him mad both talking at once and did he want to have another go with me instead. 3 generations smiled instantly. The adults laughed at themselves and looked rueful. Tommy nodded and smiled vigorously.
We went back up and down the beach. I told him that the bike would become his best mate if he made friends with it, asked him his name, taught him to steer by leaning, how to start with the pedal high, how to stop without falling and gave him some things to do at home (e.g. walking the bike holding the saddle like I had been doing and watching his favourite TV programme for an hour sat on the bike with both feet up and then wiggling his bum from left to right to get the whole balance thing) and went into more detail on how the mother should help him. Every day: 10 circuits a day, not too much talking. By then Tommy was knackered but happy. It baas enough for day one – but he was leaving with a success experience.
It was no miracle result. Tommy didn’t cycle home smiling. But all three drove home grinning and with a curriculum and a plan. And hope. They passed me and Buster in the car – Tommy waving madly through the window. My day was no longer crap. Giving Tommy a smile and a plan and hope was worth a fortune to me and it turned my day around.
Who else remembers their first bike ride?
I vividly remember when I was Tommy’s age and I was being taught to ride by Thomas Ncube, our cook and family member and my second Dad. I recall suddenly realising Thomas was in front of me watching me and not behind me supporting me holding on the seat – as I did yesterday for Tommy. I promptly fell off and cursed him. He laughed at me and said he had been watching me for the last 3 circuits of the huge sand driveway we had at home in Bulawayo, and that I had not fallen until I saw that he was no longer there. Wise old Madhala that he was – he told me I fell off because it was in my head, because I didn’t believe I could ride without him, NOT because his hand and support had deserted me.
What to look for in a coach
So I went out yesterday morning grumpy and came back reminded of what people should look for in a coach.
10 Things to think about when hiring a coach:
- get a professional coach who knows what they are doing
- get someone who isn’t family (one of my biggest fights with my mother was my driving lessons with her!). It probably also includes anyone who works for you – they might be too scared to say anything constructive.
- only hire one coach at a time
- get a coach you empathise with but even more importantly one who can empathise with you
- get a coach who can be fun – its exhausting being in 1-2-1 coaching – best be with someone you like
- hire a coach who talks your language
- get a coach who will talk about things that are relevant to you and suggests things that are feasible to you
- get a coach who wants you to succeed and become independent of them
- hire a coach who works with your head as well as with your skills
- hire a coach you trust